Sink Me,
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His Eminence and his overseas ministry.
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"During His Eminence's overseas ministry, Matins, Lauds, Vespers and Compline will be said by the Good Sister Wendy and Baa Baa Black Sheep will be led by the Monkette.
Your tithes would be appreciated in cash this week, and any extra you can spare would greatly help our ministry. We have received an excerpt from The Cardinal's journal in despatches........."
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Day 6:
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Swelling much reduced this morning - was able to hobble to the cantina and partake of fresh orange and cereal followed by bacon, sausage, egg, beans and toast and marmalade, washed down with a couple of jars of Darjeeling. Felt much better for it too, have to say.
The old hoof started playing up on the way here - arrived at about midnight last Saturday and went out for a spot of supper. One large paella and a couple of cervezas later I hobbled to bed and woke up in agony! Thought I'd rest up for the day but by day 3 things were no better so I called El Mèdico.
"Ah, Señor, es gota!" he proclaimed.
"Gout?!" I exclaimed. "And you're charging me 85 of your local pesos to take a quick glance and pronounce your verdict? Prod me about a bit man! Ask questions! Have I eaten anything that was still moving! Have I had sex with any of the locals, that sort of thing!"
"Es Gota, Señor"
"Yes....well......here's your denarii. Off with you!"
He prescribed Colchicine, which I duly limped off to buy. Took my dosages and lay by the pool, waiting to get better. TWO days later, no change. So I logged onto the old interweb and checked out this so-called colchicine. "Best taken within 12 hours of an attack...". Bloody useless daktari!
So I researched further, and discovered I'd be better off with Indomethacin. Back to the bloody Pharmacìa I staggered, and asked for some.
"Perdon, Señor, no tenemos Indometacina".
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The offending item.
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Hmm, playing the old "not without a prescription" card, eh?
I tipped the little guapa muchacha a wink and winced in pain - an old trick I picked up in Manila - and next thing you know, little Conchita has found a pack of the stuff.
Couple of peso's, Gracias's all round, and I was on my way!
Took 50mils three times yesterday (the instructions were in Spanish - I hope 'tres veces' means '3 times' otherwise I might need stomach pumping!) and ba-da-bing, you're looking at a new man!
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His Eminence reclines with a medicinal brandy!
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However, the old tiempo is a bit dull and overcast today. The research party have all gone up a mountain, but in my condition I thought it best to stay at sea level and check my equipment!
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If it ain't the first 18th Century Club Comic Strip.
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'Click on it, to open it, I say'
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His Eminence Cardinal Sin will soon be reporting from his travels.
Here is an excerpt from his journal.
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"........It portrays me, in traditional explorer garb, holding a tree frog.
There's a peasent in the background who was trying to warn me of the approaching monitor lizard. However, I was ahead of the game - moments after the photo was taken I simply flipped the frog into the air and the monitor lizard gobbled it up, whilst I made good my escape!....."
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More to follow.